boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
