tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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