i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
