i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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