i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize