Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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