Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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