I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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