I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
