First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
