Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
