You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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