that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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