He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
