i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
