i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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