She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
