When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
