idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I got inside last night via doggy door
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
