My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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