I'd wear matching sweaters with you
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
