I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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