I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
