I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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