im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
