thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
