I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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