the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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