Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
