I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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