Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
