a queef is a wish your heart makes.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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