i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
thus making me awesome and them whores
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
