Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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