My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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