Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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