He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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