Betty ford says i'm here all night
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
