ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Please don't give away my fajitas
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