We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
