Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
