His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
