Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
