that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
