He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
