it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
