The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Pants are for mortals
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
