We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
