i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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