Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
