what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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