SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
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I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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