I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
