Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
