Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize