made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
