I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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