i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
