The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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