Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
