Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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